Pairing: Kyumin (Broken), Sungmo (Jungmo/Sungmin)
Disclaimer: Bought out SM. In my dream.
Summary: A continuation of the Taboo drabble from the 10 Kyumin Drabbles. Enjoy!
Love. That word wasn’t to be mentioned. Everyone knew about Kyuhyun’s aversion to that word. He didn’t want to say it unless he truly did mean it. And even though what he felt was stronger than anything he had ever felt before, he was still afraid to say it.
“You should tell him,” Eeteuk said.
“I can’t. I don’t want to unless I know that it’s completely true,” Kyuhyun answered.
“That is bullshit. If this is stronger than anything you’ve ever felt before, then it’s true. And if you don’t do it soon, you’re going to lose him.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean Jungmo. They’ve been spending a lot of time together nowadays,” Eeteuk looked at Kyuhyun who tensed.
“How much time?” Kyuhyun asked. The thought of someone else waltzing in and stealing his hyung away made him feel sick.
“Well, for a few years really, but a lot in the last month. With Oppa Band and their other activities, plus Jungmo teaching Sungmin how to play a mean riff on the guitar, they’ve really been spending quality time together. I mean didn’t you see the pictures that came out of Sungmin with him? They looked like they were having a really good time,” Eeteuk smiled at Sungmin’s happiness.
“Those words hurt so much,” Kyuhyun murmured.
“I didn’t mean to – ” Eeteuk began but Kyuhyun waved the apology off.
“It’s okay, hyung. I just didn’t expect to be feeling so strongly.”
“Like I said before, if this is really strong, then you obviously love him and it’s real! Why won’t you accept that?” Eeteuk demanded, suddenly fed up with his dongsaeng’s stupidity.
“I…I don’t want to hurt him if it’s not true,” Kyuhyun confessed.
“Why does it have to be true? Why can’t you just let it get there?”
“Because what if it doesn’t? I want to be with Sungmin more than anything but what if that feeling fades and it hurts him? What…what if it hurts me too?” Kyuhyun asked desperately, his cool and collected demeanour fading away to reveal the child that still lived in him.
Eeteuk opened his mouth to answer but before he could speak, Sungmin and Jungmo walked through the door. Kyuhyun noted with a dry throat that their hands were entwined.
“We’re together!” Sungmin announced happily. Jungmo nodded in affirmation, his eyes shining. Kyuhyun felt as though his heart had been ripped out. Eeteuk sighed. If love hadn’t been a taboo for Kyuhyun, he would have been happy now.
“That’s great, Minnie!” Kyuhyun tried to sound cheerful. Sungmin looked at him, eyes wide and cheerful.
“Thank you, Kyu!” Sungmin hugged him tightly. Kyuhyun swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling too tight. Eeteuk gazed at him, his expression apologetic and concerned. The room seemed to small and Kyuhyun had to get away.
“I need to take a shower. Our dance practice was killer,” Kyuhyun tried to laugh but it came out sounding strangled. Sungmin gave him an odd look and he took it as his cue to leave. He raced through the lower dorm, ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.
His breathing came in quick rapid succession and he couldn’t see properly. His eyes were blurring and wet streaks began to appear on his cheeks. It took him at least a minute to realize that he was trying to hold back sobs.
“Kyuhyun?” Eeteuk’s voice came through the door. Kyuhyun remained still, trying to quieten his sobs.
“Are you okay?”
Kyuhyun opened the door and Eeteuk walked in, looking sorrowful. He immediately embraced his dongsaeng, hoping to offer a little comfort.
“Eeteuk-hyung…” Kyuhyun whispered.
“What is it?”
“I think I love him,” Kyuhyun breathed. Eeteuk’s eyes went wide and he stepped back.
“You what?!” Eeteuk gasped as though this feat was impossible.
“I think I love Sungmin. I hurt everywhere. The thoughts of Jungmo by his side make me want to vomit. The images of those two together make me sick. It shouldn’t be him. It should be me!” Kyuhyun’s voice rose. Eeteuk closed the door in case his voice carried.
“Why couldn’t you admit this earlier?” demanded Eeteuk.
“I…I don’t know…but I love him. But it’s too late now,” Kyuhyun wiped his eyes furiously.
“It might not be too late. Jungmo only asked him today. He wanted my permission because Sungmin is under my charge and he didn’t want to get him in trouble. Sungmin is still emotionally vulnerable. He doesn’t completely feel the way Jungmo does. There’s part of him that is still uncertain. I can’t believe I’m telling you this,” Eeteuk waved his hands.
“Are you saying this because you want to comfort me or do you really think I have a chance?” Kyuhyun asked.
“You’re the only one Sungmin willingly listens to about anything. He’ll hear what you have to say.”
Kyuhyun was hurting everywhere. For the past few days, he had had to put up with Jungmo coming into their apartment to be with Sungmin. He didn’t know what Sungmin saw in the other man but apparently it pleased him.
He understood why Sungmin was close with him. They had the same interests and hobbies. They both played the guitar, did taekwondo, had a love of music especially rock and had a show together. Kyuhyun snorted. What was so special about Jungmo anyways? Sure he was good looking and had been friends with Sungmin for a long time but didn’t opposites attract? Surely Sungmin would get tired of being with someone so similar.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Sungmin gave love easily. Almost too easily. Perhaps Jungmo was a passing thing like most of the things he “loved” were. Like his phase for pink pens and purple pillows. At one time he had loved those.
“I love pumpkin!”
Kyuhyun grinned. That was something Sungmin would never stop loving.
“I love pumpkin!” Sungmin sighed happily as he plopped next to Kyuhyun on the chesterfield, shoving pieces of the vegetable in Kyuhyun’s face.
“That’s great, hyung,” Kyuhyun replied distractedly as he tried to avoid crashing his car. Sungmin smiled and settled down beside his dongsaeng, watching him race around in circles at a track in
“Kyuhyun,” Sungmin began slowly, as if he was broaching a subject he’d rather not touch, “why don’t you like the word ‘love’?”
“Because,” Kyuhyun murmured determinedly as his car pulled ahead of the pack by two laps, “it’s used too casually. It should only be said if it’s really meant. I’m not going to say that word unless I really mean it. I’m not going to use it on trivial things to make them more exaggerated like you did with your pumpkin.”
“So what will you use it for?” Sungmin asked softly. Kyuhyun started, unprepared for that question. He paused his game and looked at the older male carefully, trying to figure out what Sungmin wanted to know.
“I’ll use it to describe someone I care for greatly,” Kyuhyun responded. He watched Sungmin’s face for a reaction. His hyung’s expression didn’t change.
“I’m sure that person will be very lucky,” Sungmin smiled. Then he yawned widely. “I’m so tired. Can I borrow you?”
Sungmin didn’t wait for Kyuhyun to say anything. He lay down on Kyuhyun’s leg and proceeded to fall asleep. Kyuhyun didn’t move. He looked down at his sleeping hyung. He felt warm all over at the sight.
Sungmin was cutest when he slept. His face was free from worry and pain. Kyuhyun lifted a hand and gently ran his fingertips through Sungmin’s hair. Despite the frequent dye jobs, Sungmin’s hair was still soft. Kyuhyun smiled at the feel of it.
He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. Of all the people to feel this way for, it had to be for his hyung, didn’t it? His heart leapt whenever he saw Sungmin enter a room he happened to be in. He didn’t know when these reactions started, he just knew that they had. These feelings were certainly stronger than anything he had ever felt before. Kyuhyun had suspicions on what this feeling was but he didn’t want to jeopardize the relationship he already had with Sungmin.
“Kyu? Kyu? Kyuhyun?”
Kyuhyun snapped out of his memories. He looked up to see Sungmin standing there.
“You were deep in thought. Were you trying to figure out a math problem?” Sungmin nudged him lightly before sitting down beside him.
“I was trying to figure out a problem but not a math one,” Kyuhyun answered. “Hey, hyung, do you remember when you asked me about love?”
“Yes. Wasn’t that the day Eunhyuk stole the rest of my pumpkin?” Sungmin frowned for a moment and Kyuhyun vowed to raffle off some of the monkey’s strawberry milk on eBay.
“Do you remember when I told you that I would use that word for someone I care for greatly?”
“Of course. It was the first time I heard you say anything remotely sappy.”
“I love you.”
“What?” Sungmin looked at him in confusion.
“I love you, Sungmin. I have for a while now but I was too afraid to say it,” Kyuhyun wondered why he was spilling this now of all times. “I know you’re with Jungmo but I had to tell you. I hate the thought of you with him and I would give anything for you to be with me. I’m a coward and I know it…I just…wanted to let you know,” Kyuhyun finished lamely.
“Do you really love me?” Sungmin answered. His eyes seemed brighter but Kyuhyun didn’t want to hope that it was because of this.
“Yes, I really do love you and yes, I’m saying it because I really do mean it. I wouldn’t have said so otherwise.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Sungmin sounded anguished. “Now it’s too late. I thought you wouldn’t feel the same for me. Then Jungmo came and made me feel better. Now…” Sungmin trailed off, gesturing helplessly.
“You feel the same?” Kyuhyun asked disbelievingly.
“I do,” Sungmin confessed. “But I can’t hurt Jungmo. I won’t leave him after I agreed to being with him. Even for you. That wouldn’t be fair to him or me. I love you, Kyuhyun but I can’t betray him that way. If I had known earlier…”
“Would I have had a chance?” Kyuhyun asked, a bitter smile spreading across his face.
“All the chances in the world.”
“Then…will you let me take this chance?”
“What chance?” Sungmin looked at Kyuhyun, calculating what he might do. Kyuhyun leant forwards and gently pressed his lips to Sungmin’s. His hyung was intoxicating and utterly mouth-watering. Thoughts of Jungmo experiencing this too flashed into his mind and he growled at the thought. Sungmin pulled back, his eyes still closed and his breathing much quicker than before.
“Even if that is all I have of you now, I can wait,” Kyuhyun bit his lip.
“You don’t have to wait, Kyuhyun. You deserve to have someone that can love you and show that affection,” Sungmin stood up and turned away. “But I will still love you.”
Kyuhyun watched as Sungmin left the room. His sharp eyes saw the small bead of liquid fall from his hyung and splash onto the carpet. With that teardrop, he knew that sometime in the distant or not so distant future, he might still have a chance. After all, he believed in second chances.
I hope you enjoyed that. I’ll let you figure out how it goes after. I know how it ends for me but you can decide. o(^^)o This fic was supposed to be really sad but it took a different turn. Right now it’s just…angsty? I have no idea. Anyways, thanks for reading it! I have a huge thing for Seungho of MBLAQ. It’s his dark circles. Thank you for reading!